We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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