Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I skipped work to stalk him.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
