Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
