Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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