Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
