I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My vagina just clenched in fear
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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