She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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