let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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