Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
