My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
