No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Blood and glitter go together right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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