I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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