I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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