We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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