You really coming over, don't trick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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