I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
