Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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