two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
