the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
