her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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