when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
