I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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