what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
