just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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