So drunk its hurt
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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