K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
