smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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