He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
