and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
