ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
