just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
