This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
