I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
