I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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