she was so not down for the gang bang
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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