At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
