Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
