My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
