im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I believe in your delicious
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
