He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
