I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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