yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
