I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
