you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
