Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
