my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
