he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
