I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize