what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He has the fingertips of a God
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