My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
