Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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