Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He better not be in your backpack
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
