I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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