i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
