are you still at the devil's house?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
