I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
