everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
