I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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