you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a beard to bite.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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