Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
