walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
