I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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