Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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