I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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