yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
