At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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