I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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