just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
