She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
