does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
