She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
