I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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