He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
