Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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