Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
