have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
