you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had to cum in my sink.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
