oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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