tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
